Kili's fire within
by JosieStyle
Summary: Just a little attempt to fill up the blancs about what happened after Thorin had abbandoned the poor sick and handsome dwarf.


**AN: This is a small tag to the movie hobbit 2. Sort of a missing scene when Kili started to feel the poison. Or... better said: let himself feel defeated. I hope you like it! It's just a silly attempt...**

**...**

As soon as he saw the others shrinking in the distance Kili knew he was defeated. Of course he knew there was a sickness creeping up within his weakened body, too. But the fact that Uncle Thorin dropped him out of the company because of his shuffling feet hurt the most. Anger, Kili felt, about Thorin. Why would he give up on him? He had done everything within his power to please him. Why would he abandon him, just when he needed him the most? He did not feel good. Emotions were all over the place. And maybe, the wound in his leg had caused this. Maybe the wound was infected by now.

It had started during the night, when Thorin arranged some place to sleep for everyone; before they will leave to the lonely mountain. No one, except for Bilbo and Ori had slept a few hours. The others stayed up, discussing their plans and thoughts about the fastest way of getting to the mountain before the last light of Durins day.

Kili felt the pain getting harder to bare, without letting go of a few grunts or moans every now or then. Each time he put some weight on his leg it was a reminder that he was a burden. But looking directly at the wound he did not dare. Fili was watching over him like a nighthawk. His brother's face creaked with lines from concernedness each time he flinched uncomfortable on his bench. As the others drank and feast for their final day before entering that mountain, Kili remained quiet. But he had held himself strong.

To be really honest, walking did not go well, after his painful fall from that stairs. He did not talk about it with his dear brother. And everyone probably thought he acted this way because of his embarrassments. With all the excitement after the strong speech from Thorin against the master of the Lake, no one had cared how he was doing now; or maybe they had forgotten about it. Kili didn't really care that night. His eyes were too restless to focus on anything longer than five counting's. Sure Thorin had asked him what was going on with the silence and long faces, once or twice. Dear Fili even had assured him many times that Thorin was not mad at him for alarming the guards in such an awful manner.

But when Thorin stopped him from getting on that boat, Kili knew there was no point of hiding things anymore. He was defeated. He was overly tired… and very very cold. Plumping down on the wooden couch, knowing his place among the others, was the last thing he did before it all started. It all happened so fast after this.

First there was the dizziness. His vision tilted. Making him very unstable. The stabbing pain did not have left him ever since the dart had wounded him. But Kili felt it was getting worse. Almost sure that it was his own mind that caused all of this, because he had given up on everything, Kili let himself slowly fade away. Away from this cold world. Away, from everywhere near this noisy place. He wanted to go home to his mother. Nothing mattered anymore. Thorin was disappointed in him. He wasn't strong enough. He did not belong in the company anymore.

Only vaguely noticing the reassuring hand from his big brother stroking small circles on his back, Kili took his last glance at the boat before he vanished around the corner. A dark spot was dancing around within his stare. Soon it turned grey and green. More spots came, until he could not see anything else. The dizziness was now accompanied with a heavy feeling within his stomach.

"Kili?" Oin called from a far distance. Kili grunted to reply. More power he did not have.

Nauseous as he was Kili had the urge to move around. His own body was feeling restless. Fili was talking to Oin, who was very near his side. Everything turned grey affront of his half listed eyes; voices where fading and swirling all together at once. And then, without his doing, his head sunk forward.

"Kili!"

When Kili woke up again, everyone was gone already. Bofur was yelling at some of the men, eager for help, while Oin softy placed a hand on his shoulder. They had lied him down on the couch but this was not very comfortable. He was cold and the wood was still wet from the melting snow. Fili had placed his own cloak on him but it did not help even one bit. The coldness was within his own bones.

"Kili, by my beard, you gave us quite a scare young lad. You are with fever. The wound has to be infected. We need a bed, herbs and hot water to treat the wound." Kili nodded. Somehow he was able to get up without any help. Although the pain in his leg had increased now that he was vertical again. Two arms helped him to stabilize his shaky steps while Bofur offered after a while of useless wandering through Laketown to test their luck on Bard, again. And to their surprise he was apparently the only man who cared enough about the youngest dwarf to outcast his anger.

For Kili everything was a blur, until they stopped moving for a while. He looked up with watery eyes and saw that the same tall black haired man who helped them earlier was holding the door for them. With a nod of gratitude he stumbled up towards the kitchen table to sit and rest his leg a bit. But Fili had other plans. As soon as the spots left his sight again Kili noticed that he was been carried towards a huge bed. As soon as his warm and heavy head landed on the fur he let his eyelids flutter shut. There was no point of fighting against the exhaustion anymore, no that Thorin had left him behind because he was no use like this. So he let himself float away, again.

"Hey, Kili? Kili." Fili shook his younger brother slightly.

When his younger brother did not respond to his words Fili got a bit scared. He had never seen his brother this pale before. He looked like he had been in the cold for a night without clothes or the comforts of fire, despite his hot skin. His hand swept some sweat away that glistered over his sick brother's forehead.

"Can't we do something against the fever, Oin? He feels like fire." Oin just finished unwrapping the bandage off from Kili's leg. And only one look was needed to see that his blood had turned black. Kili was not only sick. He had been poisoned.

"That arrow the orc shot him with was probably made of poison. I blame myself for not seeing the signs earlier. Fili… there is little I can do for him. The poison had time enough to travel through his bloodstream."

"Poisoned arrow? My goodness. What can we do?" Bofur asked shocked by this. His hand petted the young dwarf leg. Kili shifted a bit but stayed in his fevered slumber. Sleep was all he needed right now. And maybe another snowstorm to cool him down.

…

Bard checked on them every now and then, despite his own business in town. His children took care of the fire and food or finding the medicine the sick dwarf might needed. Bard's older daughter was at the market. Bard's son would gather some more wood to maintain the fire. There was nothing else they could do. Tilda, that little girl, stayed behind with the dwarfs. In case they needed her help. She sat in the corner of her own bed watching the dwarfs fuss over the sleeping one.

Kili slept a long time until midday. The sun was lighting up the house and left one beautiful goldish sunbeam behind that shone upon his pale and sweaty face. His eyes moved under the half opened eyelids in fast movements. His breathings came with short huffs.

That was when they noticed things were getting worse. As soon as his dark large brown eyes opened, they all saw how far gone he really was. It was like Kili did not exist. As if his soul was already gone.

But somehow Kili still managed to find his brother's gaze.

"Uncle doesn't like me… Stupid… Stupid… H-he sees me like that…" His hand clamped Fili's brown cloak firmly. "M-mother was right… She knew… A-all along…" The softly spoken words hurt.

"I am trouble. My heart is bigger than my brain. R-reckless… I want back… I want back… Fili? Please let me go back…" coated by sweat and despair Fili watched his younger brother toss his head.

"Don't speak of yourself like that, little brother. You're not stupid. Thorin thinks more of you than you know. I saw it in his eyes. We all saw. He doesn't blame you for anything. Trust me."

It was meant to assure him but Kili got more anxious than ever.

"Why are you still here? Go after… go! Don't miss this opportunity… I-Important… Go!" Kili let go of his brother and practically pushed him away now. Bewildered Fili looked at his sick brother. This was the moment Oin chose to come between. He had seen the fever ramblings many times, as a healer. The youngest lad in the midst had never been sick in his whole short liven life. Fili had never met this side of Kili before. Oin could tell the fear in Fili's eyes. So he placed a hand on the dwarf's small shoulder.

"His mind is clouded by the fever, lad. Let him say whatever he wants."

A heat wave was coming over the dark haired dwarf. His words were lost to the thin air he anxiously huffed out. Sweat was coming from every inch of his shivering body.

"Fili, help him lose some heat, strip him out of some clothes. Maybe that will help make him a bit more comfortable. The older brother nodded anxiously and started working. It made him a bit scared to see that Kili did not help him.

Tilda, the small little girl watched the sick dwarf with care. She wasn't afraid of the dwarfs, but only just a little. Until the dwarf with the funny hat came towards her with a handmade toy.

"There you go, sweet lady. Maybe this will sheer you up." It was a lovely doll made from an old burlap sack and red strings that were used for hair. He had worked on it since he noticed the little girl was left alone.

Bofur smiled gently and handed her the doll. And of course she took it.

"If you want I can teach you to braid her hair, just until your brother and sister are back." Again the dwarf smiled at her. And she was all in for it.

…

When Bard's older daughter came back with a basket full of medicine, carrots, fish and apples everyone looked up at her. Her face was white and grim. Her glance only fixed on the sick dwarf for a second before she entered the room. But when her eyes, the same ones as her fathers, found her sister playing happily with her new given toy she sigh relieved. Maybe she was worried that she had made a mistake to leave her with them.

"Tilda! What's that?" she said and walked over the small bed. Bofur was sitting on the ground next to her and looked up surprisingly.

"Here so soon?"

"Sister! Look! Bofur made this for me. Look I have done the braiding!"

Again the oldest daughter smiled relieved. She nodded thankfully at the dwarf for watching over her. But this sweet moment lasted short. They all startled by a sudden yelp from the sick dwarf.

"Aaahhhggr!"

With a lot of power Kili shot op from the bed. Eyes unfocused and face now turning green.

"Where is Fili? Fili!"

"Whoa, take it slow, dear brother. I am right beside you." A glance like a warning shot fired to the healer. Oin bit his lip out of concern.

"M-my stomach… burns… n-need to…" without any thought, Oin got the ridiculous large helmed and turned it upside down. He was just in time to catch whatever the young dwarf hacked up out of his stomach. It was just green bile and water. He hadn't been eating since yesterday morning.

"Oh look, the helmed has found his use after all," Bufor said to the scared kid. He smiled, trying to make things better but his eyes betrayed his own fear. He had never seen Kili so sick before.

Exhausted by this, Kili started to falter back on his fur. Fili was holding his head to steady him. The warmth was getting worse.

"How is the medicine coming, miss?"

…

"…Mom… I-I am sorry… C-can't come b-back now…" Kili whispered weakly. His head rested op Fili's lap. The young dwarf was in and out of consciousness for the last few hours. The sun was going down. Bard's son was back and helped his sisters to make diner. Oin was awfully quiet now. And Fili knew this was getting nowhere. Kili was dying. The poison was too strong, the damage was long done. If only Kili had told them he was feeling the symptoms earlier, he would have had a better change of overcoming this. His will to stand next to his uncle, joining the quest like the others, was far more important to him that his own life apparently. Or maybe he was just too stupid to think this could've actually kill him eventually. This stubbornness.

"You fool… you could've just told me it was this bad. I saw how much you suffered when you thought no one was watching. I didn't want you to know this because everyone is telling me I am such a mother. That it is time for me to let you go. And look what has come out of this. You are dying. You are leaving me…" Kili grunted. He had heard him. Small tears were escaping from his closed eyes.

"I wish I wasn't feeling this guilty for it. But I am… I promised mom to look out for you…" Fili laid his forehead on his brother's warm one.

"Fee…" Kili answered weak and shaky.

"Don't leave me, little brother. Don't do this to me." Fili started petting his wet hair but his younger brother was getting more and more anxious.

Kili grunted again. "Fee…" His body convulsed with shivers against the heat and cold he felt at the same time. "F-Fee… stomach…" Shaky breaths were drawn. "Fili…" Followed with a growling sound within his stomach.

"Fee… Helmed…"

Again he vomited bile. But this time there was blood with it.

…

Finally Bard came back, his offspring run towards him. Everyone in the house was sad and scared about the dying dwarf. His sickness was infecting eithers hearts.

"_Fee… Helmed…"_

It where the last words Kili had said to him. The evening had come. The last light of Durins day had shone upon the mountains secret keyhole. Fili didn't care about the quest no more. All he wanted was another word from his younger brother. This wasn't fitting for bravery last words. He already had made this joke once now. He tried to fool Oin and bofur. But it didn't work. They all saw his tears.

All Kili did now was stirring and yelling out in pain incoherently. His mind may have been fried already by the fever. He screamed in pain.

The soup that was steaming on the kitchen stove was never touched. No one could eat.

It took a long time until Bard could not take it anymore, he stood up and started rummaging through the medicine cabinet.

"We have so many things. Why didn't all of this work?"

Oin shot a surprised glance at the man. To be honest, the old dwarf had done anything within his power. Medicine… herbs... it all didn't work anymore on the young lad. He was already too far gone. But seeing Fili's face again he wanted to try it one more time.

"They are no use for me. It's for humans. We tried that already. Not working… I need herbs. Something that brings down his fever. Maybe we can try this once more. Have any king's foil?"

Hope.

That was all they needed now.

"That's a weed. We feed it to the pigs."

Bofur stood up in a swift second and was already on it.

Fili looked at Oin with a glance the old dwarf recognized from the young version of the blond. It hurt him right in the heart.

"Don't get all thankful on me yet, lad. I am no wizard. It's just the last thing I could think off."

But it was enough for him. Fili smiled softly. Even Kili noticed his brother's relieve or something that looked like cheer. But more he did not do. Nothing more than scream out of pain and discomfort. His body was shutting down. His blood was boiling. His body was overheating. His brain was cooked.

But one thought pushed through. He didn't want to die!

Not yet.

It was time to believe in fairy stories his mother used to read when he could not sleep. Soon a young female hero will save him from his personal inner-dragon. Someone like Tauriel. It was his wish. He was not done yet. No he wasn't. Besides… Thorin promised him he would take him to the lonely mountain when he was healed. He remembered. Fili would go with him too.

That was as far as his brain had let him… The rest of his thoughts were mere memories of his childhood. Seeing his father. His mother. Fili who learned how to fight with knives. Hisown first hand on a wooden bow. Making his own darts with Thorin until his fingers hurt. The river where he met Dina once. A young dwarf just like himself. Blond. Tall, like himself. Sweet and funny. Family of Dwalin, by the way. So she has to be very strong too. Why did he forget about her? Why did he even forget about his whole life before this quest? Was his live not that of important then?

"_It is memory. It's precious and pure. Like your promise." _

Tauriel…

She was…

His own quest…

His Arkenstone.

…

The end

…

**AN: This was just a little story in between the story line of the hobbit two. One glance on this young dwarf played by this handsome unknown actor (at least, for me) changed me into a nerd! Never liked fantasy stories. But now, I am reading all this books and fanfiction like a machine! My god. I hope this is something you like too. Please let me know what you think. I am Dutch. Not good with grammars. So be nice. But also be honest! I am certainly not a weakling… only if it's dark and I happens to be home alone… hehehehe.**

**X**

**Josie**


End file.
